Update and vent

Alright, here we go again.

I had the stress test yesterday. All went well. I was able to sit in a quiet room, alone, for a half hour. It was cool and I had the remote. I go back once a week until the baby comes. I was hooked up to two monitors and given the "beeper". The beeper is what I push every time I felt the baby move. Well, the baby never stopped moving. Seriously. When they came in to check on me I told them I was doing the best I can and trying not to "beep" over and over again. When she came in to unhook me, they tried to tell me the baby had the hiccups. I then told her to watch my belly. She then told her co-worker to come in and watch my amazing belly. I won. Not the hiccups.

So we went to the ultrasound room, which I didn't know I was having, and will be having at each appointment now. They need to measure the fluid level (was normal yesterday) and starting next week the baby's size as well. How dare I deliver another 12+ lb baby!

I was told the baby had fat fingers and A TON OF HAIR! They sent me home with pictures of each and yes, both are cute. They said if it's a girl to be prepared to bring a hair tie. Aw.

Then I went to my second diabetes class where all my good news was crumbled up into a ball and spit at me by angry, powerful and degrading women. (I'm not making that up either. Erik had to talk to them today, for me, and he agreed there is a certain "tone" used). They want me to start insulin. Just once a day.

I honestly thought I was doing well. My blood sugars weren't too out of whack (within 10 points of what they want, sometimes just 1 or 2 over, sometimes perfectly normal). So I was really proud that I was changing my eating habits and routine. Then I was slapped with insulin. So I shut off. Got my instructions and left and waited until today to call my Dr's to see what he thought.

He agreed with the devil ladies and told me "you got so lucky that your first child is healthy because he was so big" and "you are being ridiculous" and "why are you so emotional over this" and "you are endangering your child. IT'S ABOUT THE HEALTH OF YOUR BABY!!"

I won't go further because the conversation lasted about 15 minutes and by the time we hung up I was crying so hard I couldn't even say bye. Then I threw up for 10 minutes. He's off to Seattle this weekend. I'm off to pray that my water breaks and I don't have to see his stupid face again.

Erik had to make the next call for me to the wicked witches. I couldn't really talk for about an hour. I was insulted as a Mom. I was shocked to get the results I got. I'm concerned the risks are higher for the baby with insulin rather than adding exercise. Seems a little extreme as the next step -for just one week of testing blood sugars. I felt like no one wanted to listen to that part, they just want to follow a textbook.

I can respect that. If that is what I need to do, I'll do it. I understand that part of it and I absolutely do not want to harm this child. Well, that is what I'm doing. Starting next week. I'm not happy about it. I'm asking Erik to come the the class and all of my appointments with me in case I turn into a blubbering fool again. (Who wants to babysit?)

I am an emotional pregnant woman. And I just got a lot off my chest.